How to Compile the Guest List + Invitation Etiquette

Jul 1

Crafting your wedding guest list and managing invitation etiquette may not be the most thrilling part of wedding planning — trust me, I've been there! However, it's an essential step to ensure your big day unfolds smoothly. Let's dive into this crucial task so you can swiftly move on to the more exciting aspects of your wedding — like bringing your aesthetic dreams to life!

By this point in your wedding planning journey, you've likely finalized key details such as the wedding size, formality, budget, theme, and anticipated guest count. If you've checked off these boxes, it's time to dive into gathering the information you'll need for your wedding guest list!

Gather Names

Formal or Informal Etiquette

Depending on the formality you've chosen for your wedding – whether it's a relaxed backyard affair or a sophisticated soirée – there are etiquettes to consider when compiling your guest list. Here are some guidelines to streamline the process:

For an Informal Wedding

Use casual formats like "Michael & Sarah Sargent" for married couples.
Consider group listings such as "The Sargent Family" for families with kids.
Extend invitations to singles with a simple "Michael Sargent and guest."

For a Formal Affair

Opt for formal formats like "Mr. & Mrs. Michael Stanton Sargent" for married couples.
Include families with kids as "Mr. & Mrs. Michael Sargent and Family."
Address singles respectfully, using titles like "Mr. Michael Sargent" or "Ms. Sarah Sargent."

If you plan to invite doctors or U.S. officials, it's essential to observe proper protocol to show respect for their titles and roles. Here's how to address them accordingly:

For Doctors:

Use formats like "Doctor and Mrs. Michael Stanton Sargent" or "Doctor Sarah Sargent and Mr. Michael Sargent."

For U.S. Officials (senator, congressmen, mayor, sheriff, and judge):

Address them with titles like "The Honorable Michael Stanton and Mrs. Stanton" or "The Honorable Sarah Sargent and Mr. Michael Stanton."

Kids or a Plus one?

While you may not have all the specifics nailed down yet, it's wise to plan for additional guests and plus ones to avoid last-minute headaches. Consider adding a column to your wedding organizer to track these variables, ensuring a smoother planning process down the line.

Start With Your Inner Circle

Begin compiling your guest list by focusing on the most important people in your life – immediate and extended family, wedding party members, and close friends. This serves as a solid foundation for your list and can even kickstart your rehearsal dinner guest list planning!

Immediate Family
Extended Family
Wedding Party (+ their significant other)
Super Close Friends & Family

Organizing Relationships: Breaking it Down

Next, break your list into relationship categories to streamline the process. Think about the various groups of friends you've amassed over the years – from high school and college buddies to corporate connections and parents' friends. This segmentation helps you manage your list more efficiently.

Highschool Friends
College Friends
Corporate Friends
Parents’ Friends
Etc.

Trimming the List: Navigating Venue Restrictions

As you progress, you may need to trim your list to align with your venue's capacity. Keep in mind typical venue limitations, often in 50-person increments, to ensure your guest count fits seamlessly with your chosen space. On average, I would say that 75%-80% of the guests invited may be present at your wedding. Talk to your venue to see what has happened at previous weddings so that you can properly plan.

Gather Addresses

Now that you've started gathering names, it's time to collect addresses. Whether you're opting for traditional paper invitations or modern e-vites, consider various methods to streamline this process:

Ask Family & Friends Directly

One way to gather mailing addresses or emails is by simply texting or emailing friends and family directly. However, you may not have everyone’s phone number, so you may need to resort to some other options below.

Send a Google Form

Another great way to ask for addresses is to send out a Google Form with your new trusty Wedding Gmail that you just created in the previous post. Simply create a new form, then share the URL link to any of your guest lists by email, phone, or even social media. I’ve seen many brides create private Facebook groups for their wedding day, then post the link to the Google Form to collect addresses!

After your guests have filled out the form — you can view the results in an organized Google Sheet to make compiling your Guest List a breeze!

Borrow Friends + Family Contact List

The best time-saver I’ve found is by asking my friends who were recently married to peak at their guest list. They definitely won’t have everyone on your entire guest list, but they may be able to help!

Keep in mind that some guests may have changed addresses or formal names since that previous wedding. You still may want to reach out to confirm all of their information is correct.

Invitation Delivery Time

Save the Dates

8-10 MONTHS IN ADVANCE

When it comes to Save the Dates, timing is key. Begin spreading the exciting news approximately eight to ten months prior to your wedding day, and consider even earlier notice for destination weddings or holiday weekends. Providing this advance notice offers your guests the luxury of ample time to make necessary arrangements, such as requesting time off from work, saving up for travel expenses, and securing accommodations.

Giving your loved ones an early heads-up not only demonstrates thoughtfulness towards your guests' schedules but also ensures a higher likelihood of their attendance, making your celebration all the more memorable!

Pro Tip

Want to include a photo from your engagement session on your Save-the-Date? Ask your photographer when the best time is to schedule your engagement session!

Wedding Invitation

3-5 MONTHS IN ADVANCE

Three to five months before the big day, you need to send out your wedding invitation. This serves as the initial glimpse into your wedding day, setting the tone and providing essential details for your guests. This suite typically includes the main invitation, RSVP card, and any additional enclosure cards with details like accommodations, dress code, and gift registries.

Paper Invitation Suite

Main Invitation

At the heart of your invitation suite lies the main invitation. This piece should display the names of the hosts, the couple getting married, the date, time, and location of both the ceremony and reception.

RSVP Card (3 Options)

Accompanying your main invitation is the RSVP card, a vital component for gathering responses from your guests. Offer options for attending or declining and, if necessary, include meal preference selections. Set a clear deadline for RSVPs to ensure you receive responses promptly.

Paper RSVP — You can include a small RSVP card and a matching envelope that is pre-stamped for guests to mail in their RSVPs. Keep in mind, that there will be additional costs for the additional paper, envelope, and postage, especially with a large guest list.
Wedding Website RSVP — You can also collect RSVPs through a wedding website, which offers a convenient platform for guests to respond online. Include the website URL on a "details" card with your physical invitation, doubling as a reference for accommodations and gift registries. While wedding websites provide links to hotels, activities, and registries, some older guests may prefer traditional RSVP cards. Offering both options ensures all guests can easily RSVP, accommodating different preferences and tech-savvy levels.

Enclosure Cards

Depending on the logistics of your wedding, you may want to include additional enclosure cards to provide guests with crucial information. These cards can cover details such as accommodations, directions, dress code, and gift registry information. Keep the content concise yet informative, guiding guests seamlessly through the event. This information can also be displayed on a Wedding Website.

Envelope

Pay attention to envelope etiquette, as it sets the tone before your guests even open the invitation. Ensure proper addressing for recipients and include a return address for any RSVPs. For a formal affair, consider adding a decorative wax seal or custom stamp for an extra touch of personalization.

Assembly and Mailing

Take care when assembling your invitation suite, arranging each piece neatly within the envelope. Hand-address each envelope for a personal touch, or opt for professional calligraphy for an added level of sophistication. When it's time to mail your invitations, do so with ample time for guests to respond, factoring in postal delivery times.

Online Invitations

Google Form RSVP —

Main Invitation

RSVP Card (3 Options)

Paper RSVP — You can include a small RSVP card and a matching envelope that is pre-stamped for guests to mail in their RSVPs. Keep in mind, that there will be additional costs for the additional paper, envelope, and postage, especially with a large guest list.
Wedding Website RSVP — You can also collect RSVPs through a wedding website, which offers a convenient platform for guests to respond online. Include the website URL on a "details" card with your physical invitation, doubling as a reference for accommodations and gift registries. While wedding websites provide links to hotels, activities, and registries, some older guests may prefer traditional RSVP cards. Offering both options ensures all guests can easily RSVP, accommodating different preferences and tech-savvy levels.

Enclosure Cards

Envelope

Assembly and Mailing

***You’ll be choosing your design aesthetics soon, but right now, focus on choosing the formality of delivery for your invitation suite.

Paper RSVP

A traditional method of gathering RSVPs for your wedding involves the use of response cards, typically small rectangular or square cards sent along with your invitations through the mail. These cards are meant to capture crucial information such as attendance confirmation, the number of attendees, meal preferences, and even unique inquiries like favorite songs.

Ensuring the RSVP process is convenient for guests is crucial. If opting for mail-in RSVP cards, consider pre-stamping all the RSVP-card envelopes (factoring this into your stationery budget) and addressing them with your return address. This increases the likelihood of timely responses and ensures a smoother overall experience for both you and your guests.

While RSVP cards follow a formal and traditional approach, it's essential to consider the additional costs. Beyond the expenses for additional paper and envelopes, the return postage can accumulate, especially with a large guest list. If budget-consciousness is a priority, exploring virtual alternatives might be a more economical choice.

Wedding Website RSVP

Another avenue for collecting RSVPs is through a wedding website. In this scenario, it's essential to guide your guests to the appropriate URL, typically accomplished by including a "details" card with your physical invitation in the mail. This card serves a dual purpose, not only providing the RSVP information but also serving as a reference for accommodations and gift registries, such as Zola.

A wedding website typically provides information like links to hotels, activities, registries, and encourages guests to RSVP online. However, older guests may not be as accustomed to online navigation. For a versatile approach, consider utilizing both RSVP cards and your wedding website. This dual-option strategy caters to both traditional and tech-savvy crowds, increasing the likelihood of prompt and comprehensive RSVP responses.

Google Form RSVP

While a Google Form may not evoke the same formality as traditional RSVP cards, it can add a touch of modern simplicity to the process. Keep in mind that with this approach, the response timeline may vary, as guests might not feel the same sense of urgency as with more traditional methods. Embrace the informality and flexibility, knowing that this choice aligns seamlessly with the relaxed atmosphere of your event.

Ultimately, whether you choose the classic RSVP card, a virtual wedding website response, or a casual Google Form, the goal is to make the RSVP process as comfortable and enjoyable for your guests as possible, ensuring everyone has the opportunity to share in the joy of your special day.

Final Thoughts

Navigating the intricacies of compiling your guest list and managing wedding invitations may seem daunting, but it's a crucial step in the journey to your big day. By strategically gathering names, considering etiquette, and utilizing various tools for RSVPs, you pave the way for a smoother planning process.

As you embark on this exciting chapter, remember that each choice reflects your unique style and vision for the celebration. With the guest list and invitations sorted, the stage is set for the next blog post in our series – a comprehensive guide on how to vet your wedding vendors. Stay tuned for valuable insights to make informed choices and bring your dream wedding to life. Cheers to the journey ahead!