Hey there, miss bride-to-be! Welcome to the Calm Wedding Planning series by wedding photographer, Sarah Ann Sargent! I’m so glad you’re here and cannot wait to get started.

If you're recently engaged (or soon to be), congratulations! This is such an exciting time in your life as you prepare to spend forever with your best friend. It's a big decision, and your wedding day deserves all the care and intentionality in the world. But let's be real…

Starting your wedding planning journey can be a bit overwhelming. That dreamy Pinterest board suddenly turns into a long list of decisions. Where do you even start? Guest list? Budget? Vendors? And why are you suddenly crying?

Deep breath.

Since 2015, I’ve either been planning my own wedding or answering all of my 100+ brides’ questions. I know all the decisions you'll need to make, and how quickly this day will come and go. That's why I'm passionate about helping you feel calm and composed as you plan your elegant, sentimental wedding day filled with memories you'll cherish forever.

*Liz & Jacob | Classic Romance wedding at the Dixon Garden in Memphis, Tn*

Before the Engagement

It's important to set the foundation of your wedding planning journey with healthy communication. You and your partner should talk about each other's dreams, expectations, and backgrounds to help you honor each other throughout the entire planning process. This also makes decision-making much easier when the planning process starts.

Here are some example questions to ask each other:

Marriage

What are your expectations in marriage? Are you willing to do marriage counseling? How do you see ourselves in 5 years, 10 years, or 30 years? How we you plan to manage finances together? How do we plan to parent together? How do we plan to manage the household duties together?

Engagement

How do you see us getting engaged? What style of ring do you like? Who do you want to be there? Do you want a photographer? (Pro tip: Let your fiance know if you have a photographer in mind so they can contact them for the engagement!) Do you have any unspoken expectations that I need to know about?

Wedding

How do you see us getting married? What time of year? What's the size, location, budget, and formality of the event? Who will be paying for it? Who will have a voice in decisions? What do you hope the overall feel of the event is?

Honeymoon

Have you dreamed of any particular kind of honeymoon? All-inclusive resort? Road trip? European cruise? What's the budget that you have in mind? How long do you plan on taking off work? What expectations romantically do you have?

After Your Engagement

After you've talked about your dreams and expectations, it's time to talk about your personality, interests, values, and family background. This information will come in handy later when you start designing your wedding aesthetics.

Here are some example questions to ask each other:

As an Individual

How would you describe your personality? What hobbies do you enjoy? What music do you listen to? What is your profession or professional background? What is your family history? Are you more traditional or laid-back? Formal or casual? Are there any values, causes, or cultures you'd like to incorporate into our wedding?

Shared Interests

Are there any parts of our love story that you want to incorporate into our wedding? What activities or hobbies do we enjoy doing together? Do we have any joint values, causes, or cultures we’d like to incorporate into our wedding? How can we celebrate both of our families at our wedding day?

Remember, it’s not just two people getting married.
It’s two entire families coming together as one!

Your Parents or Parental Figures

Now, it's time to bring the people who matter most in your lives into the conversation. Depending on your unique family dynamics, this could be your parents, parental figures, or your closest friends. *To keep the reading easier, I will refer to them as your parents in the remainder of this section.

Share Your Combined Wedding Dreams

There’s nothing like a good meal to calm the nerves — so invite your parents for dinner at a semi-private location. Start by casting the overall vision for your wedding dreams that you & your fiance previously discussed, making sure to include any interests, values, or family traditions that you'd like to showcase at your wedding.

Ask Engaging Questions So They Feel Involved

Help them to feel involved in the conversation by asking them an assortment of questions: What are your expectations for our wedding? Do you have any dreams, hopes, or fears? Are there family traditions you'd like to continue? Are there any important people you want in attendance? Any skillsets they have that they would love to offer?

Talk About Finances

Finances can be a sticky subject, but it's important to know where everyone stands and how they want to contribute. You could say something like, "As we form the budget for our wedding, we'd love to know if or how you'd like to be involved financially." Write down what they'd like to contribute or aspects they want to be involved in. You'll use this later when creating your wedding budget.

Talk About Available Dates

Share the time of year you both discussed and choose 5-10 dates that work for everyone involved. Keep in mind holidays, important events, or birthdays that you may not wish to overbook.

Finish with Thanksgiving

No matter how invested emotionally, physically, or financially your family is in your wedding, taking the time to properly thank them will go a long way in continuing the train of healthy communication throughout your wedding planning. End the gathering by thanking them for each and every aspect that they want to be involved!

PRO TIP:

A widely held expectation is that the parents of the bride assume the responsibility of managing the financial aspects of the entire event, while the groom's family takes the lead in planning and hosting the rehearsal dinner. It's crucial to solidify these roles well before wedding planning begins to ensure a harmonious event.

Pick Your Battles

Some of the more tricky aspects of wedding planning have nothing to do with what color your bridesmaid’s dresses will be. It actually has to do with navigating family expectations, especially when everyone has different opinions. But the key is to pick your battles. Sometimes it may look like compromising, while other times, it may look like standing your ground. But above all, try your best to honor everyone where they are at. By inviting each other into healthy communication upfront, you're far less likely to have events happen later that cause discord.

In comparison, there may be times when it appears you have no help. It's okay to ask for assistance! You may think they don't want to help, but in fact, they could be fearful of stepping on your toes. Get creative and delegate tasks so that everyone who showed interest feels involved.

Final Thoughts

When you allow space for you and your loved ones to voice their thoughts, they will feel loved, valued, and included whether they expected to or not. Remember that hard conversations can become the most worthwhile in the end. Managing family expectations can be one of the hardest tasks in the entire wedding planning process. When you choose to start with healthy communication, it will make this season of your life that much easier!